old enough to lose our hearts in war,
young enough to love with no fear,
To shy to speak,
Loud enough to yell.
Misplaced in the city of angles,
Rightfully in the right place,
Starving for change,
Full of disapointment.
Won the fight,
Lost the battle.
Easy to have,
Harder to lose.
Love, Hate, Money, Lust, Faith, Change, War, Peace, Forgivness.
Ive been told by alot of people that highschool memories are the best you will ever have. But at the same time its JUST high school. Just beacuse i wasnt the most popular kid in the crowd, doesnt mean my whole life is bound to be a failurer. I didnt go to football games, my first dance will be prom, and i wasnt one to go out and party. Do i regert it? No, its who i am. If i would have changed, i wouldnt be me. And the people who chose to still stand by me, are the people i will probley still talk to after we graduate. I never got drunk, never made out with a starnger, and never skipped class. Do i feel like a whimp saying these things. yes. But i have memories, moments and laughs of things that never invloved me doing these things. I never cared what other people thought of me. I dress werid, i listen to music way to loud, and i tend to be alot more outgoing then some. I never cared for the low whispers, the dirty stares, and the cheap talk that girls send my way. I know who i am. And some people take me the way i am. Everyone can agree to disagree. Highschool has been good to me. No regerts. No hate. I love everything that i went through. Friendship.Laughter.Love.Heartbreak.Challange.Hope.Almost cancer.
But im more then ready to move one. June is slowly coming around the corner..and i cant wait its arrivel.<3
i was inspired to write this by the song Isles & Glaciers - Cemetary Weather its a PERFECT SONG! Not to much and not to little. The mix of Craig Owens,Jonny Craig, and Vic Fuentes vocies is food for the soul.
“I never knew what I would do
If anybody tried to speak your name
I would tear down their house and
I’d burn my way around the brightest memory of your face
Cause I would do anything (anything, anything)
Cause love is a selfish thing (Don’t care what you think)
And I’ll feed off the wounds that bleed
And tear you away from me
I need somebody (somebody)
Somebody crazy enough to tell me
I will love you till we (I will love you till we)
Till we are buried
Our bodies (our bodies)
Our bodies buried close together
Cemetery weather
In the cemetery weather”
She stood in the forway of his house, not his home, but his house. Its not home without him, the light in doorway reachs the tips of drakens and lightens the pathway. As if it was waiting for him to tip toe out of the dark, and reappear. His house full of furniture and pictures, yet empty for he is no where near. He left a week to soon, And just like his house, she feels the emptyness of his past. The pull of the regert of not fighting to keep him here. The push of the words he left her with. ” I will love you intill you love me back.” His words have been incraved into her memory. Like pictures hung on the walls haing on with there lifes. She doesnt remeber how she let this happean, how it got to be like this. How slowly the cracks appered in the foundation. He was the hope and the dream. He was the moon of night, and sun of the morning. The calm of the rain, and the chill of the snow. It takes an empty house to relize your empty heart. The Hearts of Lonely People. Her mind cursed her heart, to turn from his name. But tonight, she will change that. Her feet will start to move, her mind will race, and her heart will find warmth. Doesn’t know where his or what he is doing. But her pulse is rising and their distance is closing. She needed someone crazy enough to stand there ground, to prove their heart. She needs you. For in all this chaos you found safty. And in all these empty houses, you found home.
Ugghh.. i hate that once a thought gets in your mind. You cant seem to get it out. I hate the way i try to show everyone that love is so much more then sex, fake smiles, and someone to call your own. And how some people dont relize that their to navie to see love in front of them. And STOP PLAYING GAMES! This is no joke, and a heart is no prize. When someone reachs out and trys to share there heart, hopes, dreams, and passion dont play pretend. I hate to say that i once avoided lonleyness and done this very thing. And to him i say sorry with all my heart. But at the same time dont fall in love with who you think i am. I want someone who falls in love with me..REAL ME. Where they know music has my first love, my family is crazy, and im a very akward and outrages person. So to you who is playing pretend, dont. Dont mess with someones heart, it hurts more then you know. And i really i am sorry i hurt someone in that way..and i will never forgive myself for it. And to you people who are in love. SAVE IT, LIVE IT, LOVE IT. And dont be afriad to love who you do. No matter who it upsets, or who you hurt. The heart cant help to love who it does. Just the thought of love makes me smile. Love is one of the craziest things i have ever seen, and felt. But i know its there. God only knows how and when it will come…but for now i stay faithfull
Please keep love alive. Dont take it for granted. Dont take your love for granted. Love with all your heart, and dont be afraid to fall. For love would be nothing without pain. and i know this now.
THE SUMMER SET- WHERE ARE YOU KNOW?
I’ve been staying awake in the front seat for days
Let the wheel turn and take me away
Oh, the truth I must tell
Is I’m lonely as hell
Still looking for myself
It rains all day when you’re not around
And I’m trying my best to come clean with the clouds
They follow me around
I’ll dance ‘till the rain comes down
Stuck in the sand with the waves at my feet
And I wish you’d come crash into me
‘Cause where you are is where I wanna be now
Where are you now?
And I know I’m not perfect but what the hell
Do you think of me now?
Do you think of me now?
They say that love is for the patient
Gotta plan for being restless for now
Hope I’m more than a cheap trick you played on yourself
But I do it so well
Yeah, I’m doing so well
They follow me around
I’ll dance ‘till the rain comes down
Stuck in the sand with the waves at my feet
And I wish you’d come crash into me
‘Cause where you are is where I wanna be now
Where are you now?
But when I leave
She walks and she talks and she stirs my feet
Like she’s sleeping next to me
It doesn’t matter where we are
It doesn’t matter where we are
It doesn’t matter if we’re states apart
She loves me
Things get harder when things get brighter. My heat and head tell me differnt things. Sweet talk makes things worse.
its funny how you can stop talikng to someone for the longets time..and just pick up things where you left off. This always happeans when you have older friends, and your still in highschool. But it was really nice to know that someone still gets my weirdness. Good to know i have stayed golden..in this case yelllow. I like knowing at least someone still knows me..even if we havent talked or seen eachother or almost 6 months. I also hate it beacuse now i miss hanging out..and all the mean things full of love that we say. Well see if we stay in touch.
thanks.
Thus far my day is over..and its barley 9:11 AM!
ugghhhh… grow up…hope you open your eyes and see that there is so much more then what you see in life.
Ive tried to be there for you…but what can i do if you keep pushing me away.
the best of luck dear.
Had a dream last night. I usally dont remeber them, but i cant seem to earse this one. It was a sad/happy dream. Ever have those where they arent one or the other..just kind of both smushed together. Well, the dream was that i was getting married and hapeand to run into a certain old “friend”. And after this run in, i have the option of having eather this or that. But the werid part was…i didnt know the two guys in my dream. You would think it would be at least some people you know..but no. It was really weird. But i like it, beacuse it was my heart kind of saying what it would really chose. So i decided to write somthing out of it. See if you guess who i choose.
Dear darling,
I have always thought of our lifes together. Planned it to a tee. My heart holds a love for you that i can never really explain. It drives me to do crazy things. This being one of them. You have broken promise after promise. Always had your way. But yet i cant fight the grip you have over me. The addication that not even the strongest drug can replace. I hoped for you so very long. i once believed that nothing was stronger then our love. I could never replace it or even forget it. I wait for your calls home, and the letters while you are away. Love. Simple to write out. But dont let that foul you. The pain it bares handicaps every bone in your body. Yet, we still chase it beacuse its what holds us all together. See i once waited for you to relieze the love that stood in front of you each day. That to me it never mattered what you wore, or how much you could buy. I had you, and that was enough for me. That i was yours and you were mine. That you were happy and i was the reason for it. But i got tired of taken for granted. We left it there. And i am saying now, lets leave it there. Becuse oncce i relized that i didnt need to replace or forget you or the love we had. But relieze that i could love someone more. That there is someone else that saw me for myself. That laughs at my humor, and reminds me of my grace. Someone who know wishs to never have anyone else take me away. To vow under his promise to be mine. When someone is able to take a broken heart and mend it, in such away that feels as tho you have a brand new heart. You cant help but to wounder why want more then perfiction at its best. So i write you this letter to say. I dont no need you and your white horse to save me. Beacuse i do not need saving. For love is on my side.
Our last goodbye,
Cristal A
